2023-10-23 (Week 2290): A Life Once Lived
It’s been another busy week, with lots of work during the week, and lots of errands and going out on the weekend. It could be due to exhaustion, but I find myself at a point where I’m clearning out the chaff from life, and closing down old projects.
I’m trying to write music, and conveying a message through sound seems to fail me. I listened to a new Devin Townsend podcast on his process and synesthesia, and he asked a very important question involving creativity. The question was “What is your intent with your art?”
I asked myself that and went down a rabbit hole questioning my intent, and it was money-based for the longest time. I always deluded myself with the exploration of creativity canard, and while that was part of it, being able to be creative at all times and support myself with my creativity was always an underlying goal.
I don’t know if it was that creative exercise in general that did it, or if that was just the cherry on top, but it’s a time for deleting the unnecessary, tidying up the creative archives (basically this website and Bandcamp), and focus on reading and writing. The old goal is no longer valid, so I have stopped chasing it.
It’s hard for me to do this, since sharing creativity on the internet is something I’ve done for the past 27 years, but all I have left is to share ideas and observations of life, and perhaps I’m at a stage in life where doing so is appropriate.
I also find returning to old games to be unfulfilling, as my connection to them feels less necessary (or perhaps not at all). I still have melodies from them getting stuck in my head (like this classic), but I don’t know if that’s a reason to spend time revisiting something I found joy in 30+ years ago. Perhaps a sea change is happening within me and I’m finding difficulty coming to terms with it, so I’ll weather the waves and see what shores I end up on.
Until next week!