2023-05-08 (Week 2266): The Forced Hand of Change
On Friday of last week, I found myself in an interesting predicament. Just as I was about to start working on music again, the laptop charger I use for my music computer died. I bought a replacement charger, and it didn't work. Sometimes I listen to signs from the universe, but it's hard to ignore this one.
The power failure on my Windows 10 laptop also happened on the day of the full moon and a lunar eclipse, and there's an article from a shamanism website I follow about how the full moon marks a time to reflect on your attachments to release what needs to stay in the past.
Music has been a significant part of my life for 30 years, starting in the summer of 1993 with the discovery of Nirvana. It has tapered off over the last couple of years, dwindling over the last few months.
This insight has made me stop forcing myself to get up early and stay up late working on various projects. I realized there was an addictive element to my need to create music, and I said everything I needed to transmit with sound.
I'm not in a position like Devin Townsend, who came to that realization after his fourth album and had to keep going to provide for himself and his family. Music has generated some income for me, but I've probably spent as much as I've earned.
That said, I'm at a loss. I'm taking time to rest, repair myself, and look for the next direction. The only thing that remains from times past is my desire to write.
Being connected to the internet and online communities has come full circle. I enjoy being part of Neocities, checking in with my old music & gaming group, and responding to emails, but that's about as far as I want to take it anymore. Again, another 30-year arc is drawing to a close.
The situation at hand is troubling yet also freeing at the same time. It's taking a lot off my plate to fill it up with new things or strengthen things that remain. It's a difference between Eastern and Western philosophy; Western says to keep filling the cup, whereas Eastern says to empty the cup to fill it with something new.
It is beyond time to remove things from my life that no longer suit me. A few things will remain, and I will focus on those.
Until next week!