2023-04-17 (Week 2263): Aiming Towards Structure
Last week was difficult to pin down because I spent time in multiple areas. I succinctly arranged my notes, joined two topics that created an "a-ha" moment leading to an essay, and looked at my websites from the mid-90s and early-00s. I also gathered conclusions about my trajectories and figured out which musical process works best for me.
Note sprawl is challenging to keep reined in, as I pick up notes from everywhere. I also get absorbed in topics new to me (like perennialism) and read about them for hours. Since turning 43, I've divided my note files into weeks, and everything before that gets lumped into an "uteo42" document, which stands for "until the end of 42." It's likely too much focus on time, but it keeps me organized.
The two topics I had an epiphany about were "letting go" and "suffering." They fit together because attachment can lead to suffering, and to let go of attachment is to let go of suffering. That's a fundamental overview and ties directly into The Four Noble Truths, but I want to dive into it more, and it's been a couple of years since I've written essays. I was still invested in the marketplace when I wrote them, so I apologize for the paywall.
Even though I wrote those essays between 2 1/2 to 3 years ago, they only slightly reflect who I am today. I went through websites I created 18-27 years ago, which are mere shadows of my current self. They are moltings, sheddings of the skin.
I've had old friends request I keep the video game review sites I created 20 years ago online, but my opinions in my early-to-mid-20s are not anywhere near my views in my early-to-mid-40s. The only way to retain objectivity would be to update all of them, but I don't want to do that. Similarly, I don't want to do all the different things I've shared on my websites over the years. Some things endure (like writing and music), but most do not.
Speaking of music, between the urges to continue making soundscapes, going back to a slushwave-style of writing music, or dipping out to a field to play and record penny whistle, I'm sticking with the soundscapes. A big thing I've realized that won't work with the latter two styles is that I no longer have the emotion for them.
The thing about detachment (as mentioned above with attachment and suffering) is that I've detached from the emotions that fueled the earlier music. The soundscapes are an intellectual curiosity. I can tinker with sounds in my favorite key (G Major for specific reasons), and once that curiosity is sated, I can leave the soundscapes behind. Once I finish with the soundscapes and Mordor, I can leave Windows behind and stick with antiX.
As for the future, I'll continue plugging away with my projects and expanding this website. My archives are voluminous and will take quite a while to sift through, and I'm back to creating new soundscapes this week. My goals are well-documented, but my plans are not. Whimsy still influences me, but detaching from that and making more structured plans for myself each week would lead to more accomplishment. All in time.
Until next week!