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Missing Mouse
Today would have been Mouse’s 19th birthday were he still alive, so he’s definitely on my mind right now. I haven’t had any serious grief over his loss for at least three months, though certain times have come up recently when life has become overwhelming (mostly due to an abundance of work) and I find myself thinking about him and missing him more than usual.
I’ve had a few dreams with him in them over the past few months, which is strange as I rarely ever recall my dreams. He’s been in all of the ones that I’ve remembered, usually doing what he did with regularity when he was here – eating, playing, and being affectionate. I remember one in particular where was sitting on the floor and looking up at me, so I picked him up and cradled him like I used to do, and he started purring up a storm. I really miss that.
I can say that it’s been easier to cope with his loss in general now that Barclay has settled down some, has become less crazed, and has become more of a pet rather than a whirling dervish of fur. One thing that’s funny about Barclay is that when he starts purring, it’s a good indication that he’s about to either start gnawing on a digit (the thumb is preferred) or start an attack.
Still, I find myself occasionally reflecting on all the time that Mouse and I spent together, as well as that last month where he went into his decline and the aftermath. I’ve been looking back through the old blogs that I did about him before and after he passed, and it seems like it was so long ago that he was still around. I don’t know if it’s so much that time heals all wounds, but it’s certainly offered me more than enough chances to reflect on everything that happened and process all of the pain that came with his passing.
Thankfully, in addition to settling down, Barclay is starting to acquire some traits that I found so endearing in Mouse. He’s becoming a lot more receptive to being held, he likes to sit and sleep in the same spots (my window, the plant window, on top of my clothes), he comes running when he hears the food hit the dish, he’s finding a lot of Mouse’s old toys that have disappeared and is making them his own, he’s starting to rub his head on things (which is a normal cat behavior, but Barclay has yet to do this until recently), he’s becoming more talkative, and he’ll come to me when he’s looking at me and I scratch my fingers on the floor. It’s kind of a silly thought for someone that’s not especially religious, but maybe Mouse’s spirit has come back to visit today (since it’s his birthday) and he’s setting Barclay straight.
All I know is that Mouse was a treasured companion to me and he endeared himself to anyone that spent time with him, even my friend Brandon who woke up one morning with Mouse on his face – we still joke about it to this day. I’ve been spending the day looking at old pictures and listening to the Philistine on the Sidewalk track entitled “My Best Friend in the World” that I put together in tribute to his passing. I think I’ll do a remix of it for the ambient album I’m about to start working on, since a cat that musically talented has earned the right to be released on compact disc, even if it is posthumously.
All silliness aside, I hope that he’s happy where he is and knows that he’s still missed and loved. I’ll end this post with a tear in my eye, a smile on my face, and a beer in hand to toast the life of a great companion. Cheers!
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Posted on August 21st, 2010.
External Links
• My Best Friend in the World – Philistine on the Sidewalk – My Best Friend in the World
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