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As you may have seen on Facebook or Twitter this weekend, I had to put my 18 1/2 year old cat Mouse to sleep on Saturday. He couldn’t eat on his own, was really resisting being fed through a dropper, and was losing weight rather rapidly. He went from 15 pounds to 11 pounds in the matter of a month and had become rather weak from the hunger. This was the last thing that I ever wanted to do, as I got him as a kitten when I was 11 years old and we had an extremely strong bond. He was my first pet and he helped me through some really rough times in my life. I wish he was here to help me through this one, as this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. He was with me through many of the years I had to deal with weight issues, through much of my education and the stresses that caused, and he was always there, ready to snuggle, purr, and give lots of affection. The weight loss issues are mostly resolved, the education was completed years ago, but I could never get enough of the snuggling, purring, and affection even with everything else being more or less good at this time. Though I would never have been ready for him to go, I know that he was. He was still alert and affectionate to his dying day, but he had almost no energy and the cancer on his tongue had grown to a rather large size. He couldn’t keep his tongue in his mouth any more, as the tip of it hung out of the right side of his mouth for the last few days of his life. He was drooling pretty heavily after that and he bit his tongue a few hours before he was taken to the vet to end his suffering, which made him drool blood. I knew it was his time to go before then, but that was the clincher. I wish I could have done a few more of his favorite things with him before he had to go, as he loved to get loaded on catnip and go crazy, but that would have been a cruel thing to do since his tongue didn’t work properly any more. I did take him outside to wander around a bit on Wednesday and while he was enjoying sniffing everything, I did see him wobble a few times, which broke my heart. The cat that used to be the terror of the neighborhood and yanked a raccoon off of a fence was now having a hard time walking. Having to put him to sleep was absolutely brutal and he was gone so fast. The vet explained everything and said it would be fast, but I didn’t realize he’d go from alert to gone in the span of two or three seconds. After the injection was administered, he slumped into my hands and he was gone. I put him down and doubled over in agony, tears streaming from my eyes. I spent a long time with him after he’d passed, petting him and saying I was sorry, thanking him for everything, and telling him that I loved him. I’m not an overly emotional person, though I used to be and this has really stirred everything up. I’ve cried more than a few times writing this, though I knew I would because it’s so hard to live with the fact that the cat that I grew up with and that gave me unconditional love and emotional support through a good majority of my life is gone now. Since this has happened, I’ve had little motivation to do anything and I’ve had many a moment where I wanted to give up and forget about doing anything any more. As you can see, I’ve overcome that – otherwise I wouldn’t be writing a blog post this morning. I’d say that I have Mouse to thank for that. I used to look at Mouse as an example of strength and determination, and that example was amplified greatly after he toughed through a month of tongue cancer, when it seems that most cats that get it pass away rather quickly after developing it. I know that if the tongue cancer hadn’t happened, Mouse would have made it into his 20s without fail. He was still a strong and healthy cat otherwise, but the cancer was too much for him to overcome. I’m using this time to grieve his loss and grieve the fact that he’s no longer around to do all those things that endeared him to me – like snuggling, purring, nuzzling his head under my chin, licking my forehead when I was sweaty, tapping my leg for food at the dinner table, and so much more. I’ll fondly remember all the time we spent snuggling together, especially after I found out about the cancer. The true last moment for us together was him asleep on my stomach for close to an hour, and he was so still and warm. He was so tired and he wasn’t purring, but I know he was happy to be with me and to spend some of his final moments with his best friend in the world. He was mine as well. On Wednesday, I’ll be celebrating his life and his adventures, but I need more time to reflect on everything, as well as put together a collection of his pictures, videos, and the sound clips that I have of him. I’ll close this blog out with the one picture of him that was easily his best picture and reflects him as I want to remember him – strong, vigilant, handsome, and out in the wild. Rest in peace, Mouse. You meant so much to me and I’m glad you were a part of my life for such a long time. I wish you were here for more adventures and snuggling, but it’s not meant to be.  August 21st, 1991 – March 27th, 2010. Discuss this post at [The Forum of Jason Vincion]! Posted on March 29th, 2010. |
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 Compilation Volume Three |
 Shizz Block Volume One |
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[March 2010 Index] [2010 Index] [Index] |
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[Preparing to Lose an Old Friend] [The Chronicles of Mouse, Part One] [The Chronicles of Mouse, Part Two] [The Chronicles of Mouse, Part Three] [The Chronicles of Mouse, Part Four] [The Chronicles of Mouse, Part Five] [The Chronicles of Mouse, Part Six] [The Chronicles of Mouse, Part Seven] |
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