I’ve been given the week off from the brewery because we’re waiting for the glycol cooling system to arrive and there’s not enough for me to do until it arrives, so I’ve got some idle time. Even though I’m only a couple days into the time off, I’m finding myself rather bored and little seems to alleviate that sense.
I’m noticing that writing seems to be an effective use of time, in that I’m enjoying figuring out which words to come up with and which ideas to express. I’ve also spent time working on music (one song done, one in the works, two to go after that), hanging out with friends (which was enjoyable), doing yard work (raking leaves to compost), gaming (a time killer at best), and surfing the ‘net (ditto).
I think the issue is that I’m spending too much time looking forward rather than focusing on the present. It doesn’t help that when I do look forward, I really don’t see anything. I used to have intricate future plans, but somewhere along the way, those plans either came to fruition or fell away through incongruencies.
The only real future plans I have are building my newest (and hopefully final) ambient project, downsizing my obligations and possessions to the barest essentials, and then focusing on sustainability projects (composting, growing food, and food preservation to name a few).
I’m still coming up against a wall with the desire to get rid of things and then actually getting rid of them, but I’m not sure why I’m finding such opposition to doing so.
Perhaps it’s because they’re items from a time when my life had more future purpose than it does now, but it’s strange, because the most important items from that time (musical instruments) are the ones I’m keeping. I also think I’m trying to preserve certain items because of the good times spent with them, which is the throes of nostalgia at its worst.
What I need to do is focus on the present and not concern myself with what the future will hold, but prepare for what it might and further figure out what it won’t.